I woke up and thought - F#$% this!
I was away for the weekend in Vermont with my husband at the time. We went out for dinner, I had two (or maybe three) cocktails. We were just sitting chatting, enjoying our food and taking in the cute restaurant. After dinner, we headed back to our AirBnB and I fell asleep. Nothing dramatic.
The next day I woke up, feeling rested, but dehydrated. We grabbed some coffee from our favorite coffee place and I thought - fuck this!
I don't want to do it anymore. I hate drinking. I hate the way it makes me feel. And I hate how it steals me from my own life.
I don't usually get excited about holidays or anniversaries, but on the anniversary of my sobriety I get pumped to celebrate.
Being sober is one of the things that I am most proud of. It has changed my life in so many wild and amazing ways.
Now, instead of feeling depressed and alone, abandoning myself to live a life that everyone else expected of me, and trying to make it in a marriage that wasn’t working, I’m divorced, present for every moment of life with my girls, investing in taking my business to the next level, and in a wonderful relationship.
This month as I celebrate 4 years of sobriety I’ve been reflecting on…
... how crazy it is that we live in a culture which leaves no room for anyone to get curious about their relationship with alcohol
... how wild it is that basically every situation in our culture is centered around drinking
... how mindblowing it is that with little pause, we regularly consume a substance that will compromise our brain and nervous system functioning so greatly that we are legally prohibited from operating a motor vehicle
Perhaps the most insane thing of all is that we aren't supposed to be wondering about any of these things. Because of the current cultural framework, we are largely unconscious to our relationship with alcohol - and - if you do decide to question it, you’ll likely find yourself trapped in one of two places:
Your drinking isn’t a problem
or
2. You’re an alcoholic.
But the truth is, it’s not so clear cut. There’s a complex middle, complete with all kinds of shades of grey that never get spoken about.
I wonder what would happen if you created the space to get outside of this narrow and limiting framework. To simply notice your relationship to alcohol with curiosity and consider…
How does it impact your life?
What purpose does drinking serve?
Can you imagine your life without it?